Love After Divorce: Loving Myself First

1. How old were you when you got a divorce?

I was 28-29.

2. How long before you found somebody?

It was 2 years before I found someone.

3. How do you feel about remarrying after your divorce?

I was very nervous. I wasn't sure if we were going to be happily ever after.

4. How long did you wait before you started dating?

It was almost a year before I started dating.

5. What was the dating scene like for you?

I felt like there wasn't many choices left...lol. Well, I wasn't actively seeking or dating. I met guys through family and friends only. Even then, my number was given to married men! In all honesty, there wasn't a guy I met that was attracted to at first sight!

6. What did you learn from your first marriage?

I learned so much from my first marriage. First, you can't change a person. Second, I have to love myself more if I want to be happy. Third, life is too short to be in a toxic relationship. There is so much happiness in the world, don't ever feel like you're at hope's end.

7. What did you look for in your first marriage versus your second marriage?

My first marriage, I was looking for the perfect husband. Tall. Handsome. Charming. It didn't matter if he wasn't educated. As long as we held jobs, we were surviving. I was with the person I loved! And I loved him, too much! So much that I carried all the weight of our relationship. It was exhausting. I was takened advantage of, time and time again. It literally drained the life out of me.

My second marriage, I just wanted to be happy and loved.

8. Do you have kids and how did that affect your dating and when you remarried?

I have two kids. When I was dating, I was always upfront about my kids. The guy, whoever I dated, he would have to accept that. It was a plus if he was already a father, or at least, likes kids. My kids were always with me. So when I remarried, they naturally came with me as a package. My husband understood. 

Their father is not in the picture so my husband is a full-time father to them. When we married, my husband's family called their spirits along with mine into the family's name.

9. Are you happy in your marriage right now?

Yes, very much so! I'm so grateful for my husband. He is definitely the love of my life!

10. How do you think you're different now than in your first marriage?

I'm a completely different person now than in my first marriage. I am better with boundaries and voicing my concerns, wants, and needs. I am at ease with myself and I like myself more.

11. What did your parents, relatives, and friends think?

My family and relatives are happy for me. They didn't approve of my first marriage in the first place. My first husband was not Hmong. There was definitely a language and cultural barrier. Not only that, we were reclusive of my family and did not join in a lot of my family's events. 

With my second husband, he is actually my bridge back to my family. He is Hmong and knowledgeable in our culture and traditions. He loves my parents, is helpful to them, and he treats them better than I do. He's a wonderful son-in-law and they think I'm lucky! LOL.

12. How do you handle finances now compared to your previous marriage?

In my previous marriage, we were young and careless, especially me! Even though I was smart, I trusted my ex-husband way too much. I didn't keep anything for myself. 

Now my husband and I keep some money together, but we also keep our own money. We're not greedy with our money. If I have money and he doesn't, I share with him and vice versa. 

I think it's healthy we keep our own money because we both work hard for our money and we should be able to spend it however we want. Also for me, it's my own peace of mind to know that if I have an emergency or want something, I don't have to ask anyone for money.

13. What do you believe about love?

I believe that love is ever changing. In a relationship, if two people don't work at it to keep that love alive, it will dwindle down. It takes two people to give and to take accordingly and respectfully. Even through life's struggles, with the right partner, that love will only grow stronger than time.

We hope you enjoyed this story. If you have a story to share about finding love after a divorce, please reach out to us @ kaolee @ thestoryclothshop.com. We'd love to hear your story!

- The Story Cloth Shop Team