The Divorce Series: Finding Joy Again

Divorce is not one of the most happiest moments in someone's life when it happens, but when it does, its usually negative.  Sometimes the person sulks and thinks the whole world has ended but our next story is a different story.  

Read how he has stayed positive and how he has found joy in his life.  You may learn a thing or two if you're experiencing the same thing.  

How long were you married? How long have you been divorced? 

I had been married for 6 years. I have been divorced for close to 2 years now.

Was your ex Hmong or not?

Yes, my ex was Hmong.

How did your family react? How did her family react?

My family kind of figured it was a long time coming. Her family didn’t want anything to do with her, but she wanted out of the relationship.

Did you try to fix your marriage through the community? What did the community advise you to do? What was that experience like?

We tried talking to elders, and also going through our own church family. The community advised primarily for my ex-wife to be patient because many of our problems stemmed from her anger towards something that I did not have power over. 

Was it a mutual agreement to get divorce? Explain your answer. 

The divorce, I would say wasn’t really mutual, because my ex-wife literally took everything we had in our little home and went back to her parents. She pretty much left me with nothing, but my clothes, my own pillow, the futon that I slept on, and the dinner table. Every pot, pan, vase, blanket, toiletry, basically my ex-wife took everything. 

How was your support network?

My support network was amazing. I am just grateful to God and the family and friends who reached out to me, to love and comfort me, and just to see my own self-worth through everything.

Did you have kids? If you did, was it difficult to process for you, the kids? 

I have a 6 year old daughter, and it was very difficult for my daughter. She would ask if we could be a family again, she would ask if I could mend my ex-wife’s broken heart, she would ask when we could go home again, and the thing is my daughter did not know. It was her Mom who wanted to leave, it was her Mom who took everything in the home and broke my heart. It is hard to explain to a child when you rarely get to see her because of custody rights and what not, but one day I hope to tell my daughter of all the physical and verbal abuse I had to go through, so she could understand everything. 

Where are you now? Single?Dating?Remarried? If you're remarried, how does your wife feel about you being divorced and having kids from a previous marriage?

Currently I am single, and enjoying every moment of it. It is a bit more difficult to date again because of physical limitations, but honestly I am just grateful and understanding self-worth and beauty. I think through the divorce I am able to be joyous again, to not feel the need and fear of another individual hurting you, and holding firm to being a good and honest person. To help others and enjoy the moments of life because it really is short, and living life in fear is not ideal nor should it every be the norm.

Advice to others who might be going through the same thing?

Spend time with friends and family. Reach out to others. Find self-worth and understand that although others may try to bash you, bring you down, manipulate you, curse at you, just understand that you are still loved, that your worth isn’t dependent on another individual, you are beautifully made. Life is not always roses, there are rough patches, but continue fighting through, and enjoy life because it truly is short.