The Dating Series: Dating for Marriage

1. How old are you?

29 years old.

2. Do you date older/younger/age is just a number?

No preference. When I was younger, I would chase after the older women. But now it 's the complete opposite, but most of the girls I talked with are the younger girls. I wouldn't go too young, but mid-20s. If you date someone too young, they're still trying to figure out what they are trying to do with their life, but if you date someone in their mid-20s, they will probably have some part of their lives figured out.

3. How do you meet people to date? Dating apps? Through friends? Clubs?

Usually family gathering or through social media like Facebook or Instagram. A few friends of mine who are married met on dating apps. 

Through Facebook, you get to know people in common interest groups through comments and pictures, and then you add them.

I also have a photography business, and that allows me to connect to people as well.

4. Do you date only Hmong people?

Yes. In my younger days, I used to date outside the nationality. I'm very traditional and I want to preserve that tradition. I'm more attracted to a Hmong girl.

5. What do you look for in a partner?

Trust. Communication. I want her to be able to know that if that person needs anything, they can come to me and vice versa. If something was to happen to me, I'd like to think that I can rely on them as well. Someone that I could always have fun with, and compatible. If you are not compatible with someone, it's not going to work out.

A lot of ladies put their effort into their relationships, and the guys get too comfortable, and they don't pay attention to her needs, and you can't really blame a girl to lose their feelings so that's why compatibility is so important.

I don't really care to look for someone who's too pretty. Does looks matter more or personality matter more? Looks matter.

The type of girl that I want would be athletic. I want someone who is always down for rock climbing, walking, scuba diving. I want her to be the type that is down, and do what I want to do. I want someone who's taller. When I date, I don't want to date for fun. I dated this girl who was 4'9'' and she was cute and her height turned me off, and I didn't want to go to the next level with her. I want someone who is 5'4'' or 5'5''. Growing up, my parents said because I'm taller, I should look for someone who is taller. My parents instilled something in me when I was growing up so I always thought that.

In my younger 20s, I wanted to be with someone who is educated, but now that I think about it, education doesn't matter to me anymore. Education is something that I can overlook. I want to be with someone who I can always have fun with.

A while back, I had a friend who was always constantly in relationships where he was always bored so I'm not sure how long his relationships lasted but I always want to know I can have fun with her. I want someone who is funny, and has a great sense of humor.

6. What are things that turn you off in a partner?

I don't like a person that doesn't trust me. It means that whatever they want to do, they will lie to me. There might be certain things they feel like they can't rely on me. Another thing that I don't like is a person that is always jealous, especially something that is small. I wouldn't want to be with a person who doesn't love their family and parents, because if she knows how to love her family, she'll know how to love my family. One more thing that I wouldn't want in a girl is lying and being dishonest, doing things behind your back and not telling you.

7. How do you attract a partner? What types of things do you do to attract partners?

By being funny and being talkative, and being outgoing, and showing that you are interested, not all the time but just to see if they can.

8. What are the struggles with dating right now?

Social media. I think one of the biggest struggle right now is so different from back then. Back in the day, if you wanted to talk to a girl, you have to go up to her and have that first introduction and get to know them and if they liked you enough, they gave you their number, and you call them. Nowadays, people don't give their numbers out. When you can't talk to someone, it's hard to convey a message the right way.

Back in the days, you had to wait until 9pm (unlimited calls). That was something special. Now you can just call a person whenever you want.

On social media, sometimes you see that someone's active, and you think they're still up and you know they're talking to other people, and it makes you think that you need to step up your game. If there's a girl I'm really into, I won't give up even if it she's talking to other people.

9. What does it mean when you are "talking" to someone?

I'm interested in this person and I'm getting to know this person and I have some level of interest. I'm getting to know this person.

10. What's your definition of dating?

You're dating, exclusive, boyfriend/girlfriend.

11. What was your best date?

I went to Lake Tahoe and spent a weekend with this girl. Everything was just so right. Nothing could go wrong. It was snowing and we went snowboarding, and the next day we stayed in and we just cuddled and use the day to be lazy together. Even though we were indoors, we were spending quality time together.

12. What was your worst date?

I went to the movie with this girl, and I fell asleep because the movie was boring. I just got off work, and I was really tired. I made an effort but the movie was boring. Afterwards we went to get ice cream, and I didn't want any so she didn't want it as well. Afterwards, I was going to drop her off but she decided to have someone else come pick her up.

13. What's your love language?

Words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time.

When they give me words of affirmations like complimenting me saying I'm handsome or complimenting my photography, it's nice to hear those things. I love to cook and whenever a girl says I can cook, hearing that from someone makes me feel good.

If a girl brings me lunch or does another act of kindness, I feel loved.

If she sacrifices a big portion of her time, it matters to me.

14. Who is the one person that you have been in relationship with that has made an impression on you?

My college sweetheart. She made a big impression because she was Christian, and she knew that we were traditional. Her parents were completely against her dating someone who was not Christian. She was so pretty. I knew that I needed to do whatever so that she could be my girl. She was really mature, and at that time because I lacked dating experience, when I got with her, she paved the way for me of what a serious relationship should be like. She showed me that you can be with someone and doing your own thing, and you're doing something, that's what really hit home for me. No matter how busy she was, she made for me. I felt like if I needed her, she would always try to find time for me.

15. Are you dating for fun, for marriage, long-term? Why?

Dating for marriage because I'm not getting any younger. When it comes to success, I know what I want. I want to be with someone that I can be compatible with, and that if I date them, it's for keeps.

16. How important is it that your parents/family/friends like your girlfriend?

I think it's very important because if she doesn't like my family and vice versa, I can already see that there's going to be conflict. When your family gives the approval, not only does your family like this person, but if your family can see, your family tell if you are compatible, because you may be blinded by love. But at the end of the day, it's important for you to consider if what they tell you matters.

 17. How important is sex in a relationship?

I think it is important because it's a sacred interaction because when a person gives you her body, she really cares about you. She's completely trusting you and giving you her love, it's a way for two people show love for each other. If two people can't have that kind of connection, then they're probably not as into each other.

18. What other thoughts do you have on dating?

I think everyone deserves a chance. And it's not always about the good looks.

I think some guys try too hard. Be respectful. First impressions really matters. Give girls some space. Don't be so clingy. In my mind, if someone is always waiting for me, then I feel like they have no life.

If you'd like to share your dating stories with us, please write us at kaolee @ thestoryclothshop.com.

- The Story Cloth Shop